Mom with Sam, Elizabeth and TinkOnce again I'm thinking a lot about Mom. Every time someone asks me how I'm doing after her death, I have a different answer.
Sometimes the answers are different because of who is asking, sometimes it's different because of time limits. I just don't have the time to explain, so I give a brief answer that does not come close to how I really feel.
The real answer is that sometimes I don't know how I feel.
Another answer is that I feel different each day.
On some occasions, I'm sad about the decisions I made about her care.
Sometimes I'm just sad.
Sometimes I laugh at the some of the strange things that happened as a result of her Alzheimer's and I want to talk about them and tell people the stories.
Sometimes I want to know all the answers about what is truly right and wrong with end of life issues.
Sometimes I don't think there were many good choices.
Sometimes I think I did the best I could, so it was the best.
Most of the time, I realize that some of the answers will come later, some of the questions are not answerable and some questions are too hard to ask right now.
Today, I'm doing the Scarlett O'Hara thing:
"I'll think about that tomorrow."
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